Why Traditional Spirituality Doesn’t Work for Women—And What to Do Instead

For so long, women have been told that the highest spiritual path is selflessness—to be kind, accommodating, and endlessly giving. But what if, instead of dissolving the self, our spiritual task is to become more of ourselves?

A few weeks ago, I came across a blog by Celeste Davis that deeply resonated with me. She illuminated something I’ve witnessed in my work as a Feminine Power Facilitator: that traditional spiritual teachings were created for men, by men, and designed to address the masculine struggle with ego.

For men, spiritual growth is often about surrendering control, softening, and learning to give. But for women, who have been conditioned for centuries to over-give, our spiritual growth is about reclaiming our power, our space, and our sovereignty.

This realization hit me so deeply because it mirrored my own journey, and in the live of the women I coach, and in the invisible patriarchy conditioning that tells women we must be small in order to be good.

Burnout, Over-Giving, and the Search for Something More

For years, I poured myself into my high-tech career while also trying to be everything to everyone—a dedicated professional, a present mother, a supportive wife. I worked long hours, juggled responsibilities, and gave endlessly to my job and my family.

Until one day, I realized I was completely depleted.

I started forgetting simple things—even words. My body was exhausted, my mind was foggy, and I felt like I was losing pieces of myself in the constant giving.

I tried everything to feel better. I became a deacon at my church, hoping faith would restore me. I went hiking, thinking nature might ground me. I dove into self-development, searching for answers. And then, I found myself in a Prana-Shakti dance class—a movement practice designed to awaken feminine energy.

At the end of class, we laid on our mats in Savasana, letting our bodies integrate the movement. And in that stillness, something unexpected happened.

A message came to me—not in words, but in a knowing—a pure, undeniable love from my soul.

"I truly, deeply, completely love you."

And I broke down. I cried in a way I hadn’t cried in years.

Because I realized that what I had been searching for wasn’t another way to serve. It wasn’t another way to give more of myself away.

What I needed—what so many women need—was deep, total, unconditional self-love.

Self-Love Sounds Easy—But It’s Not

We hear a lot about self-love, but let’s be honest—it’s not as simple as lighting candles, taking bubble baths, and saying affirmations.

Self-love is tied to self-worth. It’s about being enough. It’s about loving the messy parts of yourself—as you are right now, not after you “fixed” yourself.

It’s about breaking free from the conditioning that tells us we must over-give and accommodate others in order to feel like we belong or to keep the peace.

For so long, I was the easy-going one, the people pleaser, the one who smoothed things over to make sure everyone else was comfortable.

But self-love required me to stop betraying myself just to make others happy.

It meant learning to say yes to myself and my dreams, even when it disappointed the people I loved.

Saying Yes to Myself Meant Disappointing Others

When I finally decided to step into my calling as a coach and teacher, I had to make a choice: stay in my high-tech career, where I was “successful” but unfulfilled—or take a leap into the unknown.

I chose the leap.

And let me tell you—it was not easy.

My husband did not support my decision to quit my job. He was angry that I was walking away from financial stability at a time when my daughters were starting college.
My mom thought I was crazy to leave a successful career in tech and couldn’t understand why I was doing it.
Others questioned if I could really make it work.

For the first time in my life, I decided I had to be okay with disappointing people in order to say yes to myself.

And that’s what self-love really is.

Not just feeling good about yourself on the easy days, but loving yourself enough to make the hard choices.
Loving yourself enough to hold your vision, even when no one else believes in it yet.

The Feminine’s True Path: Self-Love as Power

That moment in dance class changed everything for me.

I saw so clearly that the more we love ourselves, the more powerfully we create.

When we move from self-love instead of self-sacrifice, we stop pushing and forcing—and instead, we create from a state of wonder, play, and joy.

Traditional spiritual teachings often tell women to dissolve the ego—to surrender, to serve, to forgive endlessly. But what if our highest calling isn’t to dissolve—but to expand into our fullness?

Why Traditional Spiritual Teachings Don’t Work for Women

If you look at the major spiritual traditions—Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, Judaism—you’ll notice a pattern. Most of their core teachings encourage:

• Humility (dissolve the ego)

• Sacrifice (serve others before yourself)

• Forgiveness (turn the other cheek)

• Non-attachment (release desires)

These are beautiful teachings—but they were designed to tame the masculine, not liberate the feminine.

For centuries, men have been socialized to be dominant, assertive, and power-driven. It makes sense that their spiritual path would focus on softening, surrendering, and letting go of control.

But for women?
We’ve already been conditioned to be selfless, accommodating, and deferential. When we apply the same spiritual tools, we don’t find liberation—we find further depletion.

This is why so many women feel burnt out, resentful, and disconnected from themselves. We keep trying to be good by dissolving even more of our already-dissolved selves.

It’s not working.

From Conditioned to Awakened Feminine Power

Celeste used the terms "degraded" and "divine" to describe masculine and feminine energies. In my work, I see it as conditioned vs. awakened feminine.

The Conditioned Feminine is the version of us that was molded to be small, agreeable, and self-sacrificing. It says:
✔ Be nice, even when you’re uncomfortable.
✔ Say yes, even when you mean no.
✔ Prioritize others, even when your own cup is empty.

The Awakened Feminine is the woman who stands fully in her truth, voice, and power. She says:
✔ My needs matter.
✔ I have the right to say no without guilt.
✔ My presence, my voice, my desires are sacred.

The journey of Feminine Power isn’t about dissolving the ego—it’s about rebuilding it in an empowered, conscious way.

The Feminine Power Shift: From Self-Sacrifice to Self-Actualization

One of the core teachings in Feminine Power is the shift from external validation to internal sovereignty.

We move from:
🚫 Seeking permission → ✅ Giving ourselves permission
🚫 Pleasing others → ✅ Honoring our own truth
🚫 Shrinking our needs → ✅ Expanding into our full power

In the Unlocking Feminine Radiance module I teach, we explore why women dim their light for fear of judgment, rejection, or being "too much"​.

But our power isn’t meant to be hidden—it’s meant to be expressed.

This is how we become a powerful creator, we shift from waiting for external validation to actively manifesting our own destiny​.

The New Spiritual Toolkit for Women

If traditional spiritual teachings were designed for men, what does the feminine spiritual toolkit look like?

Instead of humility, self-sacrifice, and surrender, we need tools that support embodiment, self-expression, and boundary-setting.

Here’s what I teach in my Feminine Power work:

💡 Reclaiming Desire – Instead of suppressing what we want, we honor it as sacred guidance.
💡 Owning Our Space – Instead of shrinking, we expand, unapologetically.
💡 Setting Boundaries as a Spiritual Act – Instead of endless accommodation, we say no as an act of self-love.
💡 Self-Trust Over External Authority – Instead of looking for permission, we become the source of our own knowing.

The Feminine’s Spiritual Task: Becoming, Not Dissolving

Women don’t need more spiritual tools that tell them to give, give, give. We need tools that teach us to receive, take up space, and stand fully in our truth.

For men, the spiritual journey is often about letting go of control.
For women, the journey is about reclaiming it.

We have been taught that spiritual growth means erasing ourselves in service of others. But what if our greatest act of service is to become fully, radiantly ourselves?

💜 If you’re feeling the call to step into your true power—but you’re not sure how—let’s talk. You don’t have to do this alone.

🚀 I offer private coaching and transformational group programs designed to help women like you reclaim your power, set unapologetic boundaries, and create the life you truly desire.

✨ Book a free discovery call here:  sharonseaberg.com/freeconsult